It scares me sometimes to think i have become impatient, opinionated and just a touch intolerant. Or maybe its a bit more than just a touch. The sort of person the parents of neighbourhood children conjure up to scare them into homework, a Boo Radley whose windows they throw stones at and run away. Unkempt. Moody. Unreasoning.
A grumpy old man.
I see it in the way i drive and when i queue for the atm or when my keys are not with me when ive left the house. Its disturbing, to have emotional balance tip to the left. And then i wonder if all this could somehow be inextricably tied to my lack of compromise in most of what i do. Because if it is, i'm inextricably damned. I believe I seek truth. Almost absolutely. And i wonder if the search for truth and the concept of social graces are bound to collide. Could the search for truth be used as the simplest excuse for arrogance? Can someone driven by passion be without ego? Or is the self expression of passion simply evidence of overwhelming self belief? And does the good of self belief feed the evil to be proven right?
Im beginning to think everything sits pretty much on a single clothes line. Its all a matter of where we'd like to be pegged because the first thing which gets pegged tends to slide everything else towards it. Maybe sometimes we have to clear all that stuff thats on our line and start again. So what gets pegged first and where its pegged is what the new search is going to be about. Its stock taking for an angry man.